Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We are two peas in an std pod
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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