last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
