we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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