Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
