I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
