Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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