I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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