I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
