No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
