There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
