i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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