OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
