I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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