Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
