it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
