i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
