Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
