Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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