I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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