omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
