I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
