so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
