I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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