i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
