I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
