Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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