me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am naked and annoyed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
