i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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