So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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