roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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