whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
