nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
