Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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