So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
