I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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