Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
