OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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