South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
