If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
