i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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