Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
