hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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