It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
