I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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