There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
