I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
