You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
