You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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