went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
