A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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