You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
