don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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