Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
